Mr Dale's Diary

Mr Dale's Diary  sent to Northern Voices

This is the diary of a man of our times. Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Monday 19th September 2016

The serfs and celebrities gather in the centre of my fiefdom to unveil a statue. But what is this? The statue is not of ME ? Astonishing! My statue must still be work in progress so that it is fine tuned to represent my perfection, like Michelangelo’s David or Rodin’s The Thinker.

I hear there are also some arty things going on, might get to do some still life painting, of young ladies of course. I could strip off as well just to make them feel at home. I wonder if the models do home visits?

The amount of my office space ought to be able to be utilised. I have utilised it before, but that was not for money! Maybe I could provide space for accommodation, put in a few beds and a kettle to go with my iron.

The Big Man appears to be well on with his projects. One is involved with someone based in a foreign location. I have offered to go out to represent him, being as it’s a nice holiday location. He has declined even though I said I would not be taking my ex. Even my man seems to know more than me about what’s going on. He was gossiping excitedly about something on the telly – chicken grills and an ex of mine. All sounds very odd -this requires investigation.

https://mrdalesite.wordpress.com/

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Mr Dale's Diary

This is the diary of a man of our times.  Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Monday 12th September 2016

 Moaning Minnies at it again, but a quiet weekend and week really.  Need to keep my head down sometimes (and my trousers up according to my man!).  Still, I need more money, seems my ex has suddenly discovered that she needs more financial help!

After giving advice to a colleague, a kindred spirit, I have had an idea.  Yes, I, not my man, have had an idea!  Why not offer to write an agony aunt’s (uncle) column in a newspaper. I have plenty of experience to draw on in so many ways.  A successful and great man like myself can give advice on dealing with problems and how to get round them.  Whatever the issue, it can be got round. I find carrying on regardless seems to be the best policy.  Just ignore the critics, they are so insignificant and unimportant compared to ME.  Another option is to know the guilty secrets of those around you. Look out Big Man and Ginge and my exes!

Talking of Laurel and Hardy, they are up to something with regard to what should be my the ME Park.  If they do something else with the area, there had better be a considerable wad in it for me.  I have not given up my ambitions yet. It could be a money spinner at Christmas as Santa’s grotto.  It’s big enough for reindeer, even a Christmas market.  I have the Big Man down as Santa, Ginge and ‘my man’ would make fine elves as would some nice young ladies.

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Mr. Dale's Diary

This is the diary of a man of our times.  Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Monday 5th September 2016

Seems a fellow of importance in a similar position to ME (but clearly not quite as fine as my good self) has hit a bit of trouble with his ‘hobbies’.  We fine chaps need to stick together, after all we have not broken the law, how could we?  Others may see some of our actions as crimes, but if we don’t then that is an end to the matter.  I only hope he got a satisfactory ‘enhancement’ from the publicity, I certainly would have.  I wonder if he needs advice on this, for a small fee of course – now there is an immense opportunity to trouser some real cash.

What has he done?  Employing a serf to satisfy his needs, with a bit of ‘enhancement’ for them and himself. How can that be a problem for US?  We need to stop these serfs criticising US.

 What can we do? Exile them? Why not?

Now , a word from our sponsors…

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Mr. Dale's Diary

This is the diary of a man of our times. Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Sunday 4th September 2016

As an internationally recognised man of affairs, I of course know what is going on. One might think that seeing America and China joining the Paris global climate agreement is a good thing. Indeed it is. They have done so because of ME !! They have seen my recent work in this field and followed my example. For those not aware of my affairs (and why aren’t you?) I have been responsible for the establishment of a magnificent new waste recycling unit in my fiefdom. This has been greeted with unparalleled delight by the serfs. These nations have seen what I have done and followed suit. What a man I am. 

I do like the railways, a fine source of income. First class. I always liked Thomas the Tank and fancied being the Fat Controller ( although some might say the Big Man is more apt). It was only missing young lady engines, who were a bit thin on the ground. Now what about a racy young lady engine with digital controls – what name can we give her – Amtrak Alice or Sophe the shunter – with a slightly older one, been through the mill, knocked about a bit? Some action in the Fat Controller’s office over a desk full of timetables. Mr Portillo won’t find that in his Bradshaws!

 And yet. despite all my famous triumphs (I think the younger generation say I’m amazeballs which is apt) , it appears that some of the serfs are still questioning by eminence and greatness. How dare they! I cannot do any wrong, they are beginning to annoy me. What do I do that is amiss? Yes, I do require certain things for my needs and I should not have to dip into my pocket to fund them. It is for the serfs to pay. I am the greatest modern family man there is. My good example costs money. Of course I need breaks and holidays by the sea and obviously somewhere to park my car at the airport not to mention the air fare. How else can I function? Filey does not quite fit the bill for a man of my esteem.

So my serfs, appreciate my greatness and part with your money with gratitude – for you are paying for ME. It’s Sunday and I’m off to church now, so that God can worship ME!

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Mr. Dale's Diary

Tuesday 9th August 2016

Diary entry sent to Northern Voices: 

  This is the diary of a man of our times. Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

 Being in such demand for my good works from serfs and all, it places great stresses on one. Others would collapse under the strain and attention. Poor me just has to bat through it all – for a fee of course. I need support and lots of public sympathy, so after some research, the best help will come from a date.

With Kylie.

Let me explain. Jeremy Kylie and Grey Stainer or some one or other do this TV show where the lesser strata get lots of psychological support in exchange for bearing their souls on TV. Best of all I’m told it’s all expenses paid! With ME they’d get a man of fame. calibre and esteem, which will increase their audience by millions (so there are opportunities for a bonus for me as well!). The adoring presenters and viewers would give ME all the sympathy and therapy poor me needs, and maybe a young research assistant to go. It’s a winner for everybody.

I’ve also decided to go into advertising. This pays a most tidy sum. Top manufacturers will flock to my door for my product endorsement. Here are two famous names who are signed up already…

I hear of lots of exes bitch fighting over ME – excellent work girls. Gets ME more attention. Spanking good fun!! I need a holiday after all this. Off to park the car (on expenses) and fly (first class of course) away to relax in the gaff. Day job? What day job! So long serfs!

Mr Dale's Diary

Monday 8th August 2016

This is the diary of a man of our times. Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.



Found another way to bring in funds, not nearly enough but some, from the media. Recycling a few old ideas – how green I am! With help from a nice young lady, we have secured some money which we have split. I got the bigger share, as of course I should. We arranged to be photographed leaving a hotel, for which we got a fee. Then we sold a story about a couple of ‘episodes’ between us, for which we got a fee. Job done. Still more money to be made.
Another story sold about my personal problems (which of course I don’t really have.) ME needing sympathy and treatment, bit annoying for me to say this, but needs must. There are also possibilities for more ‘poor, wonderful ME‘ articles.

Big Man and Ginge not saying much, I think they are busy ‘developing’ business opportunities. They need to be more enthusiastic about my TheME Park, but are still looking at other avenues, as it were. I am still thinking about further rides as usual. Feeling thirsty, time for my man to fetch me a drink or two.

Mr Dale's Diary

Tuesday 2nd August 2016

Mr Dale rides again, that is the ME Park rides of course. It seems that the Big Man and Ginge do not share my enthusiasm for the amusement park project. They do not seem to understand that it would be a monument to ME. I have offered them the opportunity to be immortalised by having stalls named after them. The bent rifle range could be the Ginge Shooting Gallery and of course the Big Man is the bouncy castle.
The pair of them appear to believe building houses instead of theME park on this land would offer greater opportunities for garnering even larger amounts of cash. I do not trust them, they do not have the principles like what I have. Ginge tells me they have a plan! Who writes their plans, my man does mine? Surely they cannot come up with ideas themselves? Will they call streets after the chemicals used in the past and their effects – Contamination Close, Rubbish Tip Road, Wasteland Walk, Dangerous Drive?
After sorting that lot out. I had to take a ride back to the office. A recent acquaintance gave me plenty to do on my desk there. I work so hard serving people – I’ve been known to wine and dine them as well (and not at a charity do!). What a man I am. I must get my cleaner serf to give my desk an extra special clean, there seem to be some deep stains that need attention.

Mr Dale's Diary

Mr Dale's Diary sent to Northern Voices:

This is the diary of a man of our times. Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Monday 1st August 2016:

Would you believe it. Some of the organisers of charity events I kindly condescend to honour with my presence do not understand that it should all revolve around ME. Of course I am fed and watered (you can always separate that second or third bottle of wine from the hosts) but sometimes I am not given the acclaim I deserve. Have they never read my self-absorbed musings? My man does have a little talent when he writes my articles.
I understand there may be an opening (I am always on the lookout for an opening!) on a newspaper! Some floppy headed buffoon seems to have gone on to foreign works and is no longer doing his weekly scribble. I could do that (my man doing the hard graft of course). It pays mega bucks and could clear a few debts; but I would have to keep my ex away from the details. Just need to rubbish the management, no change there. I might use a false name, what could it be? Let me think, will get the serfs to give me ideas. Could add a picture with a false beard and wig. If I change the picture on a regular basis I could sneak in some advertising. Yes, possibilities, but all this thinking is making me thirsty. Now let’s check when the next free feed is.

Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices.  This is the tenth extract.

This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Wednesday 20th July 2016

The management seem to be falling out with each other. Gives me chance to get away with all sorts of things. They appear to be ignoring my little problems. Not problems for ME of course, just for them. This I like.
Same old problems for me, not enough pounds coming in for my ‘hobbies’, too much going to ex’s needs. The media are not coming knocking at my door, I need something to attract them. Nasty people threatening me, maybe my man will lob a brick through the office window, or ‘horrible’ comments on social media. I’m sure my man will be happy to oblige!
As a significant part of my income is from expenses, quite right too as I should not have to pay anything out of my own pocket, I have got my man looking at fresh claims. If I claim for the services of others no payment actually needs to be made, depending of course who is providing the service. A man like ME needs to be in the best of health, physical and emotional to provide wise counsel, mop up tears etc etc. I need a counsellor to look after my emotional needs, who can that be? A young lady perhaps, someone I can come to agreement on regarding payment?
Product placement could be another option. I could wear designer clothes supplied free in return for me displaying them, maybe swimwear, nice and snug! I could ensure the media takes pictures as well (and charge them also). Now what other products and services could I endorse? Urm, now let me think. Now where is my man to get on with this? All this thought is making me thirsty, now endorsing drinks, that’s a interesting thought

Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices. 

This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Thursday 24th March 2016

I have decided how best to use my magnificence of mind and body for the benefit of others. I shall run a long distance race. Me partaking in such an event will be a fine way to earn money for the less fortunate. Then again, compared to ME, everyone is unfortunate!

There will of course be the need to fund my first class travel, masseuse (or two), 5 star hotel and sundry costs but my expenses will assist. My photographers will be strategically placed en route to take pictures of me for my admiring populace to see in the papers, attracting my usual percentage of course. Best of all, this is one photo opportunity the big man won’t be able to usurp – he wouldn’t manage ten yards!

The charity I have chosen is Children Against Sexting Harassment. Don’t you feel appalled by those old ne’er do well’s who get their kicks sending lewd messages to fragile young ladies? I know I am. In order to help this most worthy of causes, please send your cheques, for as much as you can afford, or more, made payable to C A S H (or to Mr Dale) to my HQ.

Please remember my cause…

https://mrdalesite.wordpress.com/2016/03/24/thursday-24th-march-2016/

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Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices. 

This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Wednesday 23rd March 2016

I can’t seem to attract high profile (that is paid) publicity. The photographer didn’t turn up to capture my antics the other night in the pub, not that I can remember much. What else can I do to get a reaction, run naked around the town hall? If I did I should inevitably be admired, and a bit more perhaps!

Opportunities for profitable activity are a bit thin on the ground at present. Must get my autobiography moving, my man seems a little apathetic, and nervous these days. He sees doom and gloom but I am invincible, and why shouldn’t I be, a man of my stature and importance. What I need is to get in with a construction firm and ‘build’ my income! A joke (my man made that up for me)! Pass me my hard hat, my business card and my wallet for filling up in return for my services!

Had a long distance flight, first class of course, to do a bit of business. I do like the stewardesses and they clearly liked me as they leaned over to serve ME.

First class all the way for ME

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Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices. 

This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Tuesday 22nd March 2016

The moaning minnies are at it again. Seems I can’t offer a pal a bed for the night without the losers having a whine. What is their problem?

Big man in the park, big man having a brew, big man here there and everywhere. What’s going on? Where am I in all this?

I’ll be getting a death threat next, you wait and see.

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Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices. 

This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Monday 21st March 2016

The Big Man and Ginge are getting on my nerves, they should be careful about stories that might get into the papers! They tell me I need to go round my serfs, they call them my flock, dispensing my words. Be humble? Bah humbug. I will do what I normally do. In a week where I have been wrongly maligned in my view (which is the RIGHT view of course), here’s a tale….

The one I have picked was done for claiming too much in benefits. Thousands of pounds over a few years! The rules are quite clear. She was not honest and did not tell the truth! Outrageous! Had to pay the money back, plus costs. Quite right too! She was also given a suspended prison sentence, should have been banged up for me. This fraud should not be tolerated.

I am mortal, and occasionally an honest mistake is made in the busiest schedule any mortal has. This happens very rarely indeed. I mean, if the rules are so vague a man like ME can’t understand them, then the rules are clearly wrong. I even give recompense when the rules are wrong, how honest am I!!

Heard that there might be a job in London making sure this benefit malarkey gets sorted. Disgraceful that they get money they are not entitled to, unlike ME. I am perfect for the role of course, something I would be well suited to. Especially the increased earnings, chauffeur driven car etc. etc. Oh bugger, looks like the job has gone already, to some hatchet-man. Talk about ‘Jim will fix it’, they fixed his selection good style. I do have a begrudging admiration for how they have stitched it up though.

ME, as honest as can be, ME. I am a poet too. How wonderful I am.

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Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices. 

This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Friday 18th March 2016

There seems to be a bit of mumbling about ME. I don’t mind any proper (paid) publicity, but I will not tolerate unpaid mumbling about ME.

So I had a glass the other night, it’s not unusual for a man of the people like what I am. I’d been to a do and felt a bit flat, after the Lord Mayor’s show as the saying goes. There were a lot of young fillies who were adoring me, especially my fine physique and I was just returning their attention. I am a love machine. I think that is what happened, I can’t really remember. But if I think that is what happened, then that IS what happened. Now where did I park my passion waggon? How embarrassing. Well, it would be for anyone but ME.

I broke out in a sweat when I heard there were new taxes on drinks and coke. I thought, yet another tax on the working man, so I’ll put less sugary drink in the glass and more, you know! Never mind, higher beings can always put anything on expenses.

After my news yesterday about Sportland, it seems they have bought a pub on site as well. Makes a return visit most promising. It’s named after some bloke I’ve never heard of. They should name it after ME.

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Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices. 

This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Thursday 17th March 2016

Years ago, I took some of the kids up to the sports stadium in my fiefdom. I think it’s called Sportland or something like that. The masses turn up to watch ball games and have beer. Games with my balls, and beer, are fine things. There wasn’t anything of substance in it for me at Sportland so I stopped bothering.

“Read this, Sire” said my man yesterday. Seems like there’s been some shuffling about of shares and ownership issues at this arena which has caused happiness amongst my people. I wondered if this was a money making opportunity gone missing, but then…. horror of horrors. In all the press releases, I wasn’t mentioned once, despite my unwavering support of my teams. I have seen a few games you know. Even worse, all this P R is giving publicity to the big man and ginge, again. What are they up to, I am the main man here, where were MY comments, MY pictures, MY FEES!!

For them not to mention ME in proceedings is unacceptable. I get the feeling they are after my job, thrusting themselves into the limelight at every opportunity. What unseemly behaviour – attention seekers I call them. Little do they know what I know of them. Nobody plots to oust a well informed gentleman like ME, mwah ha ha haaaaahh.

Mr Dale was quite angry
https://mrdalesite.wordpress.com/2016/03/17/thursday-17th-march-2016/

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Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices. 

This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Tuesday March 15th 2016

A good weekend, found a new young filly to take to the ball, and she shares my views. Did the job, got me a bit of publicity! Had a good feed, and drink – all free, as of course it should be for ME. I should have received my usual fee just for attending but let that go on this occasion. Some people who were there might be useful in the future.

I see the big man has been parking himself into the attention of my people. Having read about it, this is disgraceful behaviour, on two counts! Firstly, it takes attention away from ME, the most important man on the manor. Secondly, parking yourself into public attention and upsetting the losers is MY idea, which he’s shamelessly stolen from ME (see here). For this, a suitable charge must be levied. Hmmm. I might need about £28,000 ish soon, so that, plus my time and trouble and some profit on top, payable in cash to keep it off the books, should be a tidy sum. My man, come here and draw up the invoice. What a fine businessman I am!

Yesterday’s phone call was someone doing a survey so I told them what my views are; but they were very rude ringing off when I asked for my usual fee for espousing my thoughts.

https://mrdalesite.wordpress.com/2016/03/15/tuesday-march-15th-2016/

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Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices. 

This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Monday 14th March 2016

My ex has been on to me, ME, asking why I did not pass on her invite to the wedding of the boss of that marvellous paper (they do pay well!) to some American woman. She thinks that she must have had an invite as she is now such a well known celeb. I must say that I should have been the first to be invited, an important and super talented writer such as MYSELF. It would have given me a chance to ask why I have not been asked to contribute of late. My man has been on standby for weeks! I could have flogged my forthcoming publication. Advance payment in anticipation of this worldwide best seller would be most welcome. It would bring a smile to my face, not much else is at the moment!

Even the big man seems to be getting more publicity at the moment. I hope he is not after my job; he’s got history in that area. Both he and Ginge do not seem to be giving me their undivided attention and appropriate worship at present.They can be quite devious at times, not like ME. I am beginning to think I need a business opportunity, but what? I have magnificent business skills. My business experience is, shall we say, unique. Can I profit from my mighty appetites? Unlikely, but I may be able to use being ME. Let me think; where is that man of mine when I need him to come up with ideas? The phone is ringing, I wonder who it can be? Best get one of my serfs to answer it just in case it is someone I do not wish to speak with.

https://mrdalesite.wordpress.com/2016/03/14/monday-14th-march-2016/

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Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices. 

This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Wednesday 9th March 2016

Had to duck down under the table (a place where I often find myself) to avoid talking to my visitor. I think he's gone, but just in case I'll use the back door when I go out. Keep seeing my ex about, if she's earning I should be able to get away with giving her less pennies. Can't see that she would put herself about for free; been well trained there!

 There has been something on the radio about woman's day.

Does that mean that the ladies will be looking for a pleasant day. My good self is available as always, my body toned as to near perfection. Even I can improve my handsomeness, but only by a small amount.

Time for my man to earn his corn by putting tales of my hard work before my adoring worshippers. I need to get more credit for some of the boring and tedious things I have had to do lately. Perhaps I need a 'double' for that sort of work. However there is only one of ME, there really is no one else like ME!

My man is always trying to give me advice. However he has been making some strange suggestions of late. He suggested getting a new suit with an arrow pattern saying it would be very fetching and that I shouldn't lag behind the times.

I always thought an alternative career for me could have been that of a male model. Perhaps I can get sponsorship from a bespoke gentleman's tailor. My fine athletic physique would be ideal to show off expensive attire. It would save having to put my fine clothes on my expenses; that account seems to be groaning under excess weight just at the moment.

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Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices. 

This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Tuesday 8th March 2016

I seem to be running into a little difficulty in part of the empire. Obviously a mistake because I am never in the wrong. It is not possible! Still, publicity at last. Some problem with kids, but I cannot be expected to be aware of how many kids I have, never mind where they are. I only have to look at a young lady and she becomes with child.
My pals are offering to help by setting up a defence fund. My man is telling them the details as I speak. I’m sure it will pay for a nice holiday to combat the stress of being ME. I should not be paying anything when I have done nothing wrong!

I hope that this little irritation is not going to detract from some business I am looking to do with my chums. Most of my business efforts seem to have failed, entirely due to the people I have put in charge. If I’d had the time to run these things my way they’d be in profit for sure. However, I sense the possibility of some real cash. I need it to finance the lifestyle befitting the upstanding fine man that I am; with all the outgoings and expenses that my worshippers would demand of me.

I have just heard about something called Clean for the Queen. As she doesn’t live round here I assume the obsequious serfs will need someone else of a higher order to ‘do for’. That’ll be ME then. I have a lodger who sometimes cleans around the lanes and looks after the back passages on the estate. I must make it clear should my communications be intercepted, that his actions are one of the small favours he carries out for ME, with no money changing hands. Of course not, perish the thought! This clean for the Queen, does it stretch to an au pair? To look after the children of course. As I am in favour of Europe, at least for the moment, such an eminent being as MYSELF should be rewarded for my patronage. The European chaps need great ones like me to add due importance to their cause. They could at least provide holidays for their most important supporters. Thailand would be most welcome! First Class of course. And an au pair.

Oooh, there is someone knocking at the door…..

https://mrdalesite.wordpress.com/2016/03/08/tuesday-8th-march-2016/

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Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices. 

This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Thursday 3rd March 2016

This “keeping my head down” is no fun. The best I’ve been able to do recently is the day stuff, you know, the normal daily grind. Turn up at places, say the “right” thing, show your face, make a bit of news, get a bit of coverage, blah blah blah. No proper money in it. Some say that’s the job, but I didn’t get into this game for work. I am a 6 or 7 figure income man. The expenses, glory, wine and women are due to me. At least I can go home for refreshments and a bit of Frankie Vaughan to calm my fevered brow.

All this “behave” business the big man tells me to do is not my style. I wonder what HIS game is? Ginge isn’t far behind either with his counsel, and we know he’s a likely lad. As for my man, he has to be obedient, but his flounces indicate an ulterior motive. They need to know who the daddy is. After the nosey parkers have done their bit and I’m free from this net of improper persecution, I shall rise, gloriously, once more. As long as the ex’s keep quiet.

Because I’m a wonderful humanitarian, and because I keep the rents down in the fiefdom, my people and even refugees flock to be near me, in my land. The government should be giving ME £££millions to support the mass influx of people who want to be close to such a wonderful man. Why aren’t they? My people will get most upset and possibly tense if the money to support me, erm, them isn’t provided. I am the best use of taxpayers money.

https://mrdalesite.wordpress.com/2016/03/03/thursday-3rd-march-2016/

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