Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices
This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Tuesday 26th January 2016

It was great to see a picture and article about me in a Sunday paper. These organs love me so much they will publish any sort of tittle tattle about me. Or tittle about the ex. Some of the Monday’s mentioned me too. Marvellous.
The latest bit of trivia is about the minuscule expenses I claim for my important work. As an in-demand lover I’ve got a few kids knocking about, forget how many. A modern family you might say. I asked expenses HQ could I claim for the kids, they said “yes but read the small print”. Who does that eh? That is my man’s job, but at the time he’d disappeared somewhere.
I was sat at the kitchen table filling some tiresome forms in, whilst the ex was trying out her new selfie phone – a special event which required special attire on her part. My eyes were naturally averted from the small print, so I missed a few tiny details. Ill-considered, non-serious complaints regarding this by jealous people are a waste of time. You’ll never catch me doing anything wrong. In fact I might get my paparazzi out to capture my innocence when I next call round to see our wonderful Police. Photo’s in the papers – kerching!! I’m a winner.
I almost put in a reasonable and understandable expenses claim for maintenance of the puppies, but I did not as they seem to be generously supported by various sources. No-one can call me selfish or greedy, oh no.
I’ve got a new iron. Must get some more expenses forms.

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