Thursday, 21 January 2016

Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices.  This is the ninth extract.
This is the diary of a man of our times.  Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Thursday 21st January 2016

I hear my second most ex is going out with a pawnbroker.  I think she thought he was a pornbroker – chance for her to get into films!  I’d watch them, they could be added to my collection.  Still waiting to hear from my legal team.  Got my chaps to help out.  The big man has put in a word for me to the powers that be, they can’t piss off such an important man as myself.
Not written for any of the rags this week, keeping my head down.  Hope it gets sorted soon, can’t afford to lose income from the gutter press.  When I get the all clear (that reminds me I have a doctors appointment) I am going to sort out anyone who is not totally for me.
Bloody Socialists!
I also hear one of my other ex’s is appearing on the Chicken Grills survival show or somesuchlike. For charity and no payments with no self-interest publicity angle at all I don’t presume.  Apparently there will be no mobiles and only a few basic tools available to survive.  Some wag suggested she’ll do fine because I was a basic tool and she survived me.  How I laughed.  Oh, what larks – how can people who know me survive without, ME !!
“A field day for carcinologists, Sir” , said my man, in that pedantic, sesquipedalian manner of his. I had to look it up but it raised an infectious smile. 
Looks like nips galore then!

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