Mr Dale's Diary

Mr Dale's Diary sent to Northern Voices:

This is the diary of a man of our times. Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Monday 1st August 2016:

Would you believe it. Some of the organisers of charity events I kindly condescend to honour with my presence do not understand that it should all revolve around ME. Of course I am fed and watered (you can always separate that second or third bottle of wine from the hosts) but sometimes I am not given the acclaim I deserve. Have they never read my self-absorbed musings? My man does have a little talent when he writes my articles.
I understand there may be an opening (I am always on the lookout for an opening!) on a newspaper! Some floppy headed buffoon seems to have gone on to foreign works and is no longer doing his weekly scribble. I could do that (my man doing the hard graft of course). It pays mega bucks and could clear a few debts; but I would have to keep my ex away from the details. Just need to rubbish the management, no change there. I might use a false name, what could it be? Let me think, will get the serfs to give me ideas. Could add a picture with a false beard and wig. If I change the picture on a regular basis I could sneak in some advertising. Yes, possibilities, but all this thinking is making me thirsty. Now let’s check when the next free feed is.