Tuesday, 8 March 2016

Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices
This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Tuesday 8th March 2016

I seem to be running into a little difficulty in part of the empire. Obviously a mistake because I am never in the wrong. It is not possible! Still, publicity at last. Some problem with kids, but I cannot be expected to be aware of how many kids I have, never mind where they are. I only have to look at a young lady and she becomes with child.
My pals are offering to help by setting up a defence fund. My man is telling them the details as I speak. I’m sure it will pay for a nice holiday to combat the stress of being ME. I should not be paying anything when I have done nothing wrong!
I hope that this little irritation is not going to detract from some business I am looking to do with my chums. Most of my business efforts seem to have failed, entirely due to the people I have put in charge. If I’d had the time to run these things my way they’d be in profit for sure. However, I sense the possibility of some real cash. I need it to finance the lifestyle befitting the upstanding fine man that I am; with all the outgoings and expenses that my worshippers would demand of me.
I have just heard about something called Clean for the Queen. As she doesn’t live round here I assume the obsequious serfs will need someone else of a higher order to ‘do for’. That’ll be ME then. I have a lodger who sometimes cleans around the lanes and looks after the back passages on the estate. I must make it clear should my communications be intercepted, that his actions are one of the small favours he carries out for ME, with no money changing hands. Of course not, perish the thought! This clean for the Queen, does it stretch to an au pair? To look after the children of course. As I am in favour of Europe, at least for the moment, such an eminent being as MYSELF should be rewarded for my patronage. The European chaps need great ones like me to add due importance to their cause. They could at least provide holidays for their most important supporters. Thailand would be most welcome! First Class of course. And an au pair.
Oooh, there is someone knocking at the door…..
police doorbell


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