Monday, 21 March 2016

Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices
This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Monday 21st March 2016

The Big Man and Ginge are getting on my nerves, they should be careful about stories that might get into the papers! They tell me I need to go round my serfs, they call them my flock, dispensing my words. Be humble? Bah humbug. I will do what I normally do. In a week where I have been wrongly maligned in my view (which is the RIGHT view of course), here’s a tale….
The one I have picked was done for claiming too much in benefits. Thousands of pounds over a few years! The rules are quite clear. She was not honest and did not tell the truth! Outrageous! Had to pay the money back, plus costs. Quite right too! She was also given a suspended prison sentence, should have been banged up for me. This fraud should not be tolerated.
I am mortal, and occasionally an honest mistake is made in the busiest schedule any mortal has. This happens very rarely indeed. I mean, if the rules are so vague a man like ME can’t understand them, then the rules are clearly wrong. I even give recompense when the rules are wrong, how honest am I!!
Heard that there might be a job in London making sure this benefit malarkey gets sorted. Disgraceful that they get money they are not entitled to, unlike ME. I am perfect for the role of course, something I would be well suited to. Especially the increased earnings, chauffeur driven car etc. etc. Oh bugger, looks like the job has gone already, to some hatchet-man. Talk about ‘Jim will fix it’, they fixed his selection good style. I do have a begrudging admiration for how they have stitched it up though.
ME, as honest as can be, ME. I am a poet too. How wonderful I am.


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