EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices.
This is the diary of a man of our times.
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.
Monday 15th February 2016
Went to the massage parlour on Sunday. Had a bit of a bad head, I’m sure that third bottle of wine was off, but at least it was free, and so it should be as a recognition for the admirable deeds I do for the community.
At the parlour two of the masseurs were identical twins, as it turned out one male and one female. When one of them started pummelling my well toned muscular back I had to tell him in no uncertain terms that this was not what I wanted or needed. I do, after all, have the body of a Greek god. I left flat and disappointed. They will not be seeing me again!
After church where I was worshipped, I deserved a drink, so with nothing to confess I called my pals to meet me at the pub to give thanks for knowing such a superior being as what I am. And to buy me drinks for looking after their interests. Bumped into one of the serfs whose name my man uses for his letters to the paper praising me for being ME. He was more pissed than me!
My man asked for details of my past for the autobiography he is writing about me. Cheek, I told him not to use such information and to piss off and make his own stuff up.
Now all the moaning Minnies are whining because I get invited out! It is normal and natural that large events want important people like me there to make them look good. I generously give up my time to help them. So they let me in with a free ticket of course. These miserable souls should get a grip on reality and realise what it is to be significant in society like I am.
******
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