Friday, 12 February 2016

Mr. Dale's Diary

EXTRACTS from a diary that have been sent to Northern Voices
This is the diary of a man of our times. 
Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.

Friday 12th February 2016

Had a thought about the punters rewarding a man of my esteem. Why not a charity box by the door? I can think of who might be most worthy to receive due acknowledgment for my kindly help. Still rumblings about contributions made to my holiday fund. Well I have to use the car when there is no first class travel available for a man of my esteem. I deserve it for my good works, as they say, I’m worth it; and I am getting a bit short of funds. Maybe give that lass another text, see if she fancies some more media work, that’s a payer, or perhaps I should take a lodger in somewhere amongst one’s estate?
On the subject of going a bit short, I’ve heard that there is a massage parlour just opened down the road. Might give it a try, when they see a my physique and realise my importance I’m sure there will be no cost involved. I could fit it in (as they say) between a couple of charity do’s. Handily one should be OK for some drinks and the later one includes a good feed.
As “the man of the people”, I’ve had a go at a mega-corporation this week and made sure everyone knows about it. Hopefully my old mate (who happens to own a multi-national) will have seen this and can fix me up with another opportunity to offer my ‘musings for money’ to the world.
Quite a breakthrough those scientists made this week. For all their theories, they still haven’t realised the Universe revolves around me. When they have a moment, I’d like them to investigate the mysterious black hole (or two) my vast earnings are disappearing into. The numbers are not in agreement with the symmetry of Einstein’s equations. That little chap in the wheelchair could motor round and do the sums for me. How come he is in the papers more than me? He’s even had a film made about him. Hmmm, a film about me, that would be good. Must get my man to ring Hollywood….

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