This is the diary of a man of our times. Any resemblance to anyone living is, of course, purely coincidental.
Sunday 4th September 2016
As an internationally recognised man of affairs, I of course know what is going on. One might think that seeing America and China joining the Paris global climate agreement is a good thing. Indeed it is. They have done so because of ME !! They have seen my recent work in this field and followed my example. For those not aware of my affairs (and why aren’t you?) I have been responsible for the establishment of a magnificent new waste recycling unit in my fiefdom. This has been greeted with unparalleled delight by the serfs. These nations have seen what I have done and followed suit. What a man I am.
I do like the railways, a fine source of income. First class. I always liked Thomas the Tank and fancied being the Fat Controller ( although some might say the Big Man is more apt). It was only missing young lady engines, who were a bit thin on the ground. Now what about a racy young lady engine with digital controls – what name can we give her – Amtrak Alice or Sophe the shunter – with a slightly older one, been through the mill, knocked about a bit? Some action in the Fat Controller’s office over a desk full of timetables. Mr Portillo won’t find that in his Bradshaws!
And yet. despite all my famous triumphs (I think the younger generation say I’m amazeballs which is apt) , it appears that some of the serfs are still questioning by eminence and greatness. How dare they! I cannot do any wrong, they are beginning to annoy me. What do I do that is amiss? Yes, I do require certain things for my needs and I should not have to dip into my pocket to fund them. It is for the serfs to pay. I am the greatest modern family man there is. My good example costs money. Of course I need breaks and holidays by the sea and obviously somewhere to park my car at the airport not to mention the air fare. How else can I function? Filey does not quite fit the bill for a man of my esteem.
So my serfs, appreciate my greatness and part with your money with gratitude – for you are paying for ME. It’s Sunday and I’m off to church now, so that God can worship ME!