Further to those Mark Birkett and Les May articles by Andrew Wastling

'TWO-JOBS RUMBELOW' - A GIANT AMONG PYGMIES

or is he MILKING the MASSES in the Land of Gracie Fields?

SOMETIME in the future, the city of Metropolis is home to a Utopian society where its wealthy residents live a care free life. One of those is Freder Fredersen. One day, he spots a beautiful woman with a group of children, she and the children quickly disappear. Trying to follow her, he is horrified to find an underground world of workers who apparently run the machinery that keeps the Utopian world above ground functioning. In Metropolis the citizens are sharply divided between the working class and the city planners, the son of the city's mastermind falls in love with a working-class prophet who predicts the coming of a savior to mediate their differences.

In one of the film's most memorable scenes ( one of many ) Freder Fredersen sees an exhausted worker in overalls desperately struggling with the mechanical hands of the clock measuring the passage of long and arduous shifts. In a scene redolent of recurring memes in literature such as , The Prince & The Pauper, or A Tale Of Two Cities, when Sydney Carton’s sacrifice of his own life on behalf of his friends Charles Darnay on the guillotine of Revolutionary France, Fredersen asks to swap places with the worker to give him some respite from his torturous labours and the brutalisation of long repetitive shifts seemingly without end.

Freder arduously working a ten-hour shift on the clock machine. Freder is like a Christ figure, crucified on the clock. From Fritz Lang's sci-fi silent classic.Metropolis (1927).

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Free the Riverside One!' Further to Mark Birkett & Les Mays articles by Andrew Wastling

LIKE all readers of Northern Voices I have also been following the issue of Steve 'Two-Jobs' Rumbelow with growing disbelief and anger. Some might argue that in a town where a councillor is allowed two votes it was surely only a matter of time before a subtly illogical extension of this Orwellian Double-Think culture would eventually mean we were always destined to arrive at a situation where the Councils Chief Executive Officer would have two full-time jobs, draw two full-time salaries and presumably have twice the number of holidays of your typical worker whilst achieving only half the expected outcomes.

Steve 'Two-Jobs' Rumbelow can sometimes be seen in the background of our local NHS CCG Zoom meetings resplendent in his natural habitat of silent participant in yet another interminable online meeting where anything of value is not discussed until the cameras and microphones are switched off and the Public Excluded from what very little remains of the democratic process. The online meeting remains nonetheless by far the best environment in which to see him exhibiting the superhuman powers which enable Steve to hold down two full time jobs at one and the same time . His masterful grasp of both of his employment remits and Zoom meeting technology can be clearly observed to maximum effect each time he remembers to unmute his laptop to share his valuable pearls of wisdom with the assembled participants. You only have to observe him in action to see that he is worth so clearly worth every penny of both his salaries.

I pride myself as something of an advanced multi-tasker myself I can generally deal with obstructive Council sycophants via email , make a mental note of the kick-off times of the away day match, remember to test the fire alarms, keep all my case notes in (more or less) order all whilst mopping the office floor and singing a happy song as I go along but even I'm forced to admit defeat and acknowledge that Steve's innate prowess leaves me merley lumbering along on the hard shoulder of life. In fact we are all left running on the spot in the starting blocks as Steve effortly transcends life's many insurmountable hurdles.

When work ethics and motivation was being handed out to the rest of us humble members of the British proletariat Steve was clearly out there at the front of the queue - a pole position he has endeavoured with very fibre & sinew to maintain ever since. He is after all clearly an elite member of Britain's famed meritocracy. Whilst many local workers struggle to meet ends meet and are forced onto the charity of foodbanks & mutual aid food networks despite juggling several part time or zero-contract jobs Steve's Patrician countenance it seems bareley needs to break into a sweat.

Like so many of us, I naturally assumed at first the whole thing was a scam reflecting the very worst elements of the local nepotism & cronyism we have all come to expect. How wrong I was!

I have been informed on good authority that Mr.Rumbelow has been gifted the necessary personal qualities and transferable professional skills which us lesser mortals can only dream of. He is one of the select few. Why else would he be in Rochdale after all?

His inscrutable Zen -like online demeanor was simply Steve approaching the nirvana of Bureaucratic Enlightenment as he silently mentally calculates his rate of pay per hour whilst doing two appointed tasks simultaneously whilst deducting precisely any personal expenses which might impact on his personal yearly tax rate minus anything he can possibly avoid under Gift Aid legislation - that or he'd fallen asleep through sheer exhaustion!

One can only marvel at the mathematical genius needed to calculate the mileage allowance whilst performing two different job descriptions for two seperate job roles whilst driving to two different meeting destinations in the same car . . . or is it two-cars?

The man is nothing short of inspirational! He presumably prepares for two Monthly Target Reviews with his employer(s) and completes two sets of yearly Continuing Professional Development training courses and contends with double the hangover from two Office Christmas parties. One wonders how he finds any time left to run the Council?

That is the spanner in the works for poor old Rumbelow.

I have only recently been reliably informed of the Gulag conditions Steve endures whilst incarcerated in No1 Riverside, his tortuous hours ,the selfless separation he is forced to endure from his family and loved ones whilst he slogs through his brutal work life balance in his ascetic near monastic isolation. One can only marvel at his strength of character, his enduring stamina and dedicated selfless commitment to Public Service he exhibits in his daily working regime?

I can only suggest Steve joins a union as a matter of urgency to avoid the need to work such excessive hours to feed and clothe his family and we as socially concerned citizens and trade unionists launch a 'Free the Riverside One!' campaign to see this cruel exploitation of a fellow worker is not allowed to continue an hour longer than absolutely necessary.

After all comrades we would all I'm sure do the same for any other victim of indentured or sweatshop labour brutalized into slaving away for eighty plus hours a week anywhere else on the planet? Quite how Steve will be able to join us on two separate picket lines at the same time should he go on strike and withdraw his labour simultaneously from two separate employees to improve his working conditions in two seperate locations remains anybody's guess?

Workers of the world Unite !

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